Sorry, I'm just the bar back.

So recently, I have decided to take on a side gig out of my wheelhouse to earn some extra cash. Why you may ask? Because who doesn't need a lil walking around money? A dear friend of mine needed someone to fill in a bar back position. I have not worked in the commercial food industry since my brief high school stint at the Outback Steakhouse, but I was willing to give it a try.

I had been looking for a mindless job for a while now. Something completely separate from work that I can just go in, work, and leave with my money. Something simple and simple it is. I could not bear to bring myself to get back on the ambulance and force myself back into a life of sleeplessness, lizard slinging, and drama(not that the restaurants don't have their drama, but it ain't like ems).

The work is back breaking. But quite humbling. Lifting kegs onto shelves, cleaning the bar, bussing, restocking, and more cleaning keep you busy. The breaks come when you take the trash out to the to the dumpsters and briefly converse with those also seeking a quick break of fresh air and temporary salvation from the depths of the customer service wormhole. But at the same time it's exciting. It's not dealing with life and death. I don't have to worry about peril at every turn. People all have their reason to be at the bar. And I personally love being able to witness the events that bring them there. It's a honor to have a front row seat to this side of human behavior.

The effect of this work behind the bar has drastically cut down on my drinking, in that I haven't had the energy or motivation to have a drink. Not that it was a problem or that you can say it wasn't a problem. (You can't physically say that you "don't have a drinking problem", without giving the appearance you have a drinking problem. Go ahead. Try saying it out loud, it can't be done).

One thing that is the most eye opening is seeing perspective of the world from the other side of the bar. You never really see how sloppy people get until you're the sober person watching them. The most comical are those trying to score at the bar. These strangers are not into you, but I admire your admiration and courage to try anyway. Cheers to you mate.

The upsetting part is that sometimes I cannot do more because I am simply just a bar-back. The lowly laborer of the nightlife industry. I'm sorry you have to wait a few extra minutes for that drink. But someone is on the way. Fear not. Your continued consumption is only a few minutes away.

The nights are long and they leave me tired and sore. But I leave with a shit ton of singles in my pocket and having cash that your able to stash away is a nice feeling. Granted I'm not around as much as I'd like, but it's allowing me to take on something to distract me from the daily life, make some extra cash, and work with a bunch of what seems to be really good people.

However I am highly suspect of a few... that or they are suspect of me... it's going to turn into a Mexican stand off. I can feel it. Either way, I'll see you at the bar, I'll clean your glass and remove the trash.

Teamwork

Due to a firestorm in my mind, the blog is a few weeks delayed. 

When most people think of "teamwork" they consider everyone working to achieve a common goal. That is the most standard definition of teamwork. "A group of people working together to achieve a common goal." 

So everyday these strangers just come together and magically, things just fall into place without any issues. Right? That's how teams work? There's never any tension or problems. Everything falls into place. 

In my free time, I volunteer myself coaching a youth lacrosse team. These are kids from a town that I don't live in, that the coaching staff and myself give our time to instruct a team of kids on this amazing sport. Each year, we have a few returning players, and alternatively we always have several come out to learn the game and try something new (which is one of my favorite parts). This is an opportunity to sculpt a young person from knowing nothing about this game, to taking this sport as a life lesson and empowering them that despite the outcome, you fight until the end.  

Allow me to elaborate, For those who don't know what lacrosse is, it's a team sport in which mimics war. The game was founded by the Indians and its name translates to "little brother of war". Basically, it was a way for the warriors to play war while not in battle. The game of lacrosse appears to be a combination of many sports, however this becomes a battle of which came first... lacrosse or the other sport. 

With this being a team sport it's easy to say that teamwork is to accomplish victories... and it could be. But for me as a coach, it is something much more. It's being able to accept that there is no such thing as a one man battle. Despite how you may face an opponent whether in the game or in life, you are only accomplishing your part in the bigger picture. A term thrown around on our team, is "you are only as strong as your weakest link". As a coach, it is my responsibility to take these weaknesses and turn them into strengths.

It is no easy feat to engage kids in a multi-disciplined sport, with novice athletes, all while trying to keep everyone interested for the 90 minutes allotted for practice. Kids today are under an incredible amount of stress (so I am told), and as a youth sports coach, you are forced to adapt to their stress. This also must be done for no pay, all while handling your stresses. 

One thing that I always cherished by coaching was the ability to step away from everything that's going on. I was able to leave all my nonsense and bullshit aside, and able to focus on one thing. Sometimes you need that activity to focus your attention on to just escape for those 90 minutes. Granted, it has its moments. Losses are never fun, when you can't see a particular skill get honed, or the team has reached a stalemate, it's not the best of times. But I've learned that it's these difficult times that truly make you excel as a coach and leader.

In my experience, if you have never experienced loss, you have never experienced life. Yes winning is great, and being the champions is a great feeling, but losing builds character. As a kid my parents got me involved in wrestling. A sport where there is no help and you can only rely on yourself. My first two years. I didn't win a single match. I had my ass handed to me week in and week out. Most kids would have quit and never looked back. However quitting was never an option. Each year I would become better and better. Each year I would train harder and harder. By the time it was my last year of wrestling I managed to win the district tournament. A bittersweet ending to my wrestling career. And although it only lasted for 8 years, I still use the lessons I learned then that I use today. 

For the record, this is a Gretzky quote and long sticks miss most of their shots. 

As a coach today, I take a piece that all of my coaches have given me today and apply it to those I instruct. Some of the key phrases are dated but the lessons hold true.  

"Everyday your are practicing is one more day of practicing than your opponent" - HS football. This one pretty self explanatory but it holds true that everyday you are out there getting better when te weather is bad or you don't feel like it, is just more dedication than your opponent has. 

"Suffer in silence" - youth wrestling. When players would being to whine and moan about having to put the work in, or complain about being sore, 'suffer in silence' was usually exclaimed. Nobody cares that you're sore. Nobody cares that you are tired. Get stronger, get faster, get gritty, and overcome. 

"It's only illegal if you get caught" - I won't say which sport I learned this. It was uttered when calls did not go our way. It always was uttered when we would sometimes get away with a bit too much. 

The most important, "teamwork". Every year one kid tries to preach family. Sadly we are not a family program. Family is when you're together more than your biological family. St. Peter's prep football was a family. The firehouse is a family. We were a team. As each year goes by, we get better and we are becoming a family in someways. But teamwork has a ring to it. A deeper meaning. It means we're aren't a family that came in together. We all came from different places and we all bring a certain thing to the table. Each one of those things has a staple into this team and allows us to learn and be understanding of one another. Not just on the team, but as humans. 

We laugh, have fun, get angry, get bruised, get sore, get upset, and most importantly get better. A team develops amongst each other. A team gets from point A to point B. Teamwork is fuel that drives us there. 

Try as I might, I'm just not that into it as much anymore...

I have come to realize that I no longer enjoy some of my favorite past times like I have in the past. I have started to no longer look forward to the things I have in the past. Example: I used to look forward to Saint Patrick’s Day, I longed for the day and the American traditions like corned beef and green beer that came along with the day. The feeling that everyone is Irish on what we joke is the “high holy day”. This year, I couldn’t get into it. Try as I might, Couldn’t do it.

For some reason this year, despite all the practicing leading up to the festivities, I have found myself choosing to become an introvert and stay home instead. This isn’t me. Or is it? Have I finally hit the wall that I have grown tired of everyone that I would choose to sleep rather than socialize? I used to love to hit the town and socialize, I used to thoroughly enjoy the 3am trips to the diner and once in a life time stories of crazy nights. Now I seem to have traded them in for a pillow. Is this growing up? Does it happen that suddenly that you no longer fade away, you just halt at one time?

I am sure this is just a funk that I am in. I am trying to adjust to a new job, prepare for a wedding, and all still try to succeed at life all at one time. And then it suddenly struck me. I just need to let it happen. Whatever is going to happen, is just going to happen.

I have put myself through so much stress and agony trying to force things in life for what I thought was success. But then things seem to fall back on me going to wherever the universe feels I belong. And that I am put in places to gain knowledge and teach a lesson.

Example: When I met Mare, I was highly inebriated after making up for lost time, after taking a fire test for a place that I thought I wanted to have a career. I did get the job, but found the person I saw myself spending the rest of my life with. When I was injured in the police academy, I was showed the importance of being a human to people rather than gloating authority over one another. When I was picked back up by my previous job, I was able to gain an incredible amount of experience in a very short time, experience that I would have never gained anywhere else. I put an application in and found myself in my current position. Again, in a place I would have never imagined being, but doing something that I enjoy doing. Granted, it is not the face paced environment I was in at the previous place, but I am able to live a somewhat stable lifestyle again. And that is a big thing for me now.

In a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. I have embraced the cards I am being dealt and no longer trying to force my hand for something better. I’ve dealt with the heart break and the let downs. I have had enough of the rejections and lows of being told “sorry but at this time we have decided to go in a different direction”. It’s a feeling like no other.

But one thing that it does, it makes you tough. My experiences thus far have taught me how to see the brighter side of everything. And not to be cliché, but I’m looking on the bright side of life (do-do,do-do,do-do,do-do). Sure things didn’t go to plan, but something else will surely fall into place. Maybe you don’t go out partying, and another opportunity presents itself for you. Maybe you decide to stick out that place that you don’t like at the moment, because brighter horizons are coming up in the future. To some, seem to fall into place without any effort at all, no sense of struggle, heartbreak, or challenge. As for me, I can relate to the underdog who gets knocked down and back up again. That’s the person I’d like to share a drink with. 

If you like it then you should put a ring on it... and some other things.

I know, its been a while. I've been busy and doing a great deal of things. I have needed to take some time to focus on things which has only fired up my passion for this...

Let’s get right into this kids. Paterson? I’m out of there. I by some stroke of luck, I was hired by another town for much much more money. That’s first and foremost, I will certainly miss a few of the people there, but for the most part, I can deal without the workplace drama that occurred. Now I’m onto bigger and better things that pays a pretty livable wage. I can work with that.

Next item of business, I turned 28, rounding out my years in my 20’s time is running out. I found a person that had the same sense of humor as me and truly completed me. The year was hit with many ups and downs to I made the decision to take charge and change it. So I went and proposed. Got engaged. For some odd reason, she said yes. To be completely honest, I wasn’t even nervous throughout the whole process. From the time I designed the ring, up until the night I decided to ask, I felt completely fine with it. This is an odd occurrence for me lately since I am the extrovert that is riddled with anxiety. So that pretty much sums up the last few months since I wrote last. There is tons more, but this is a marathon, not a sprint.

So with this engagement, my eyes have been opened to the racket that is the “bridal industry”. Billions of dollars being sent yearly in this industry all surrounding one day. After seeing these weddings on tv and all these “say yes to this or that” shows, I am flabbergasted. Due to me being screwed in the head. I convinced her to attend a bridal expo. Let me tell you, I have never felt more out of place and bothered in my life. A day of various vendors jumping out of the woodwork at you trying to gain your business by intimidating you into signing up for an email list. Meanwhile, you slowly pace around an expo center, surrounded by women in “Team Bride” attire. They all carefully trudge from booth to booth, explaining their idea of a “dream wedding” on their “perfect day”, while these vultures circle the area knowing that they will sucker someone in on the hope and promise of saving $200 off a $8000 photographer package.

This is what I call the “marine” concept. When my family owned a boat, It required a degree of maintenance. Things such as painting and cleaning were the norm, but occasionally there would be motor repairs. Now an engine is an engine, unless you need “marine” grade parts. Then the price immediately doubles. You want a spark plug? $5 bucks. You want a marine spark plug? $10 bucks. This notion goes to the wayside when it comes to weddings. Instead of it multiplying price by 2, you get the old wedding mark up. We will hit you with 10 times the price. You want flowers? $20 bucks. You want “wedding flowers” $200. You want a rental tux? $200 bucks. Wedding rental? $2000. This is followed by an onslaught of vendors calling you constantly attempting to get your money. But fear not, they will take $250 bucks off their price for this special day. Mind you the bill is still $6000 for this head table chair rental and that $250 is merely a drop in the bucket for them. Just imagine the mark up those who didn’t get the “Discount” are being raked over the coals.

In all honesty, I am jealous. These people have cornered the market to sell whatever they would like to people who will throw immense amounts of money their way all for one day that they will probably be too drunk to remember all the details. So to them I tip my hat. You make that cash. Im not one to knock the hustle. 

The life of leaving and a little less ambulance driving

In recent years, it has dawned on me that life is nothing more than one big gamble. We are faced with one of two things. We either settle for the safe bet where we know we are going to be okay. On the other side of the card, we leap and go for the wild bet. We put out chips down on the table and let the dealer decide. We don’t know the dealer, but we know that they directly and indirectly control the outcome of the situation you are in. Now when it comes to the type of gamble we take, some people will sit at a table for hours making lonely single dollar bets, while others will blow the wad in one hand and whatever happens, happens. So as I recently looked around, I decided that it was time for me to get up from the table. Take a walk around the casino of life and decide where I am going to make my next bet. Clearly the table that I sat and made my safe bets was no longer working out for me.

The metaphor above as many may have assumed was about a life change that I made recently. I chose to step down and resign from the employer that inspired this blog. It was also the same place that drove me to the point that I needed to start writing so I was no longer losing my mind. Over time I began to grow angry at the organization. I grew upset in seeing the direction it was heading. In recent months I took a dramatic step back. I was getting bad anxiety. I was no longer working with who were regarded as the best of the best in the EMS community, but more so brand new people. Now we can say we did this to ourselves. We developed a great field training program that I can proudly say, I was successful with my trainees, (with the exception of the one who almost killed me with his driving.) When I started my time there (I say my time like it was a prison sentence) you had a short period of time to prove that you could keep your head above the water, or that you were going to sink like a lead plated brick. Those days quickly disappeared. The place that I once knew, was no more. I slowly watched the list of people that I enjoyed working with slowly dwindle down to nothing.

Now I know that I am not without fault. I have my personal issues that I couldn’t seem to put aside. I watched a place use me for my talents, hard work ethic, and my dedication to accomplish tasks. Then once everything was completed, I was kinda left hanging. The worst feeling in the world. A feeling of failure comes across you. What did I do wrong? Did I do too much? Was severing the ties with my coworkers worth the end result? How big of an asshole do I look like now? All these thoughts going through my mind. In the meantime you need to put your “happy” face one while you carry on with what you are doing. This feeling only last for so long. You soon begin to ask yourself as to why you continue to put yourself through this nonsense.

A few weeks ago, I lost my uncle to an unclear cause at the young age of 39. 12 year older than me. Things began to click. I do some pretty risky things as is with my activities. Plus I don’t have the best habits in the world. Maybe it’s time I change things around. I made the decision to resign. A decision that would be best for me in the long run. In the recent months at my new job, I have realized how difficult it is for me to work a 70 hour week. Hell it’s hard for me to stay awake past 11 pm. The overnight grinds have seemed to leave me. I will admit, although this is a different feeling, it’s nice. It’s more than nice. It’s amazing! Knowing that I am going to get out of work every day at the same time, and that it’s not depending if my relief shows up, is a great feeling. Having government holidays is great. Although the pay is crap, I am learning a crazy amount and gaining knowledge in ways that I would never have before. I thoroughly enjoy my job as a fire inspector. I just wish I made more money than it does. Also, don’t get me wrong, I still work my per diem ems job on government holidays when the office is closed, still need that money.

Change is the hardest part of all this. I packed up all my memories (good and bad) into a box to be sent back to the place that I put the better years of my life into. That was the hardest part. The things that those uniforms experienced is something that will never go away. Yes you can wash them, but the experience never goes away. Those uniforms have seen triumph, they have seen blood, and they have seen tears! These uniforms have delivered children. These uniforms have delivered compressions into the chest of a person who has taken their final breath. Those uniforms were witness to some of the most trying and intense situations that people could never imagine seeing. Those uniforms understand exactly what you are seeing and feeling, they were there with you. Those uniforms have had countless pats on the back, as well as shots to the chest. And just like that, they were all folded up, and placed in a box, with a helmet that has seen its share of tragedy as well, and handed back into the window where you’ve checked in and out of shifts, each with their own tale to tell. The future of that is that those shirts will be handed to a new hire the same way that they were handed to myself. They will have a new name stitched on, and they will have their own stories to add to them. They will get their own tales of triumph and defeat. And eventually, the person wearing those shirts will make their safe bets and their risks. They will hopefully have more success than I did in the 5 years and 9 months than I did. I wish them all the best.

But after letting this off my chest, I feel better to take a small step back from EMS. It is a line of work that will beat the hell out of you. I invested my time, energy, and life into the fire service. I am glad to be putting my degree, certifications, dedication, demeanor, humility, and experience to work at my current job. I will play that card for now. I would rather struggle doing something I enjoy, than break my ass for a paycheck and a company who doesn’t care about me as a person. 

15 years....

To speak about the effects of 9/11 is nothing new. But it is something that I feel needs to be addressed due to upsetting thing that I see out of those who are new to the public safety field. 

Approximately a month prior to 9/11/01, I had a conversation with my parents that I wanted to become a professional firefighter as a career, and that I wanted to take my life in the direction of public service. This was instilled into me with the various community organizations my family was involved in. I would be a first generation in this field. I don't have any police or firefighter family members. I didn't have anyone coaching me through the steps. I went out and learned it all on my own. After 9/11 things took a major shift. Since I was 12 at the time, I was impacted greatly, while further driving my passion for this career despite the inherent risks. Immediately following the events, there was an outpouring of new faces to the emergency services. Many people from all types of backgrounds started to volunteer. (I myself included in this) As soon as I was old enough, I became an EMT at 17. Then I shopped around for an organization to join since I hardly knew anyone that served on the organization in my home town. 

I have said this before and I will say it again. I don't feel bad for the victims of these tragedies. I feel terrible for their families who are forced to face with memorials and remembrances after they have tried to move on. Being in such close proximity to Manhattan and working in cities that have lost large numbers during these events, a person cannot help but be reminded every day of the events that occurred that day. 

What happened after is something that I find alarming. I was encountering people who were my age or younger, and they were plastered in 9/11 memorial tattoos. 

This photo just really rubbed me the wrong way. Now I know that everyone heals differently and tragedy effects people in very different ways. I get that. In my time with the Jersey City medical center, I have crossed countless paths with survivors and victims’ alike. 

I have spoken first hand with people who worked the pile, people who responded, and people who collected patients off of ferries. All of them battle demons every day. And there is no bigger slap in the face than a kid who was in diapers the day their lives changed forever, showing off their "never forget" tattoo. Correct, we aren't kids anymore. However, sometimes you just need to know when to not say anything. 

The days of respect in this line of work has seemed to have slipped away. There is a sense of entitlement that younger generations are bringing with them into public safety. I recently came across a brand new employee who was denied employment twice. They then had the nerve, that once given the opportunity to work here, he then begins bad mouthing other paramedics. If you're so new that we don't know your name. Then you are too new to say something. If you don't like it, work at target. We have volunteer firefighters who blindly follow the lead of set forth by people with no regard for safety or policy. I have grown to be upset with these things and I hate that I bring this up at an emotionally difficult time. But as with most things in life, there's never a good time. This will probably rub a few rookies the wrong way. 

This may even irritate their new "ink". Again we all have our right to grieve. We also have our right to say what we feel. That’s what makes this country great. Trust me, In your future career, you will have your fair share of tragedy to respond to. You will soon be that senior person who despises the young person for acting like they were on the front lines. When the real truth is that they were 6 years old. 

the brutally honest cover letter

So this is because i really just don't care anymore. Cover letters are (in my opinion) just a sales pitch of yourself. So after the different letters I have written, I typed a brutally honest one. Maybe it will make its way out. Maybe it won't. Landing a job in the corporate world is a crap shoot, might as well roll the dice. Enjoy.

(There may be grammar errors, it was typed on a phone.)

Dear Employer,

The most difficult thing for an individual is to attempt to explain as why they are an ideal candidate without being able to speak to a person. However, I wish to explain as to why I am the ideal candidate for the position of _____________.(that's where the potential job goes). 

Throughout my professional and my time as a community volunteer, I have exemplified the idea of hard work and dedication. I am an employee that goes above and beyond for the company and the mission at hand. I accept no excuses, I take the blame when I fail to perform, or the mission is not completed in a successful manner. I am a firm believer in high quality customer service and that it is the number one priority of the organization to put those we serve at the forefront of our attention. In the public safety world, we tend to forget that those we serve are our customers. These hardworking individuals work tirelessly to pay the taxes that afford us the opportunity of employment. As a society we have gone too far away from the idea that we are here to serve our customers, and it can been seen by those who subscribe to services that many take for granted. It has been my goal and mission to reincorporate high quality customer service while safely and efficiently striving towards success.

I am able to keep my head and quickly prioritize the important of factors in stressful situations. This is a skill that I was able to refine during many mass casualty and large scale emergency incidents. I have learned to make the best of the situation, and how to utilize the resources afforded to me in the best ways possible for the given assignment and budget. I am a firm believer in building not only a working relationship, but a personal friendship with my colleagues and clients. Furthermore, I believe that we are only as strong as our network of resources, and that we need to maintain a strong group of “go-to” people. As humans we can never see what the future holds, but we can stock an effective tool box of resources to get us through whatever challenge presents itself.

My education and experience has be second to none. I feel that we can never be too prepared or too knowledgeable in a subject. I am a very quick and independent learner. Once acclimated, I require very little instruction or attention. There is something new to be learned about the world around us daily, and I encorporate that into my routine. I was raised and instructed by some of the most brilliant individuals this country has to offer. I am regularly attending seminars and classes to keep up with the constantly changing emergency and safety industries.

I have a very strong work ethic that can often be mistaken as intimidating. I do not make excuses and I work tirelessly to complete the task, while still maintaining a strong team work ethic. I believe that we succeed and fail as a team, and that no single person is responsible to the outcome of a situation. We are all in this together. In my time as a Field training officer and as a youth athletic coach, I take the mentoring of new faces to be a serious matter. New employees are an investment and they should be handled as such. I feel that the first few weeks of a new employee’s time with an organization are vital to that person’s talents and longevity within the ranks. If they are given the sense that they are not welcomed from the start, they will surely leave or not perform to their full potential. 

I will admit that I have made my share of mistakes. I will also admit that I have put too much faith, as well as given too much of myself to an employer and was taken advantage of. This experience has taught me a great deal about the real world, yet has not discouraged my loyalty to my employer. Along with my strict work ethic, I believe that work should be an enjoyable time. I like to keep the mood light while still working. It has been proven that happy employees are more driven for success than those who are disgruntled, and I look to keep things positive in the workplace. It takes a team of strong individuals to achieve that success and I feel that I am an asset to any organization that will give me the chance to prove myself to them. Give me the opportunity to apply my knowledge, hard work, and dedication to the team ad let's achieve success together. Thank you and I hope to speak with you soon. 

Sincerely,

Joseph Biggy Jr.